One more to go,
Zheng laoshi,
Im sorry for not going to practices. But, I hope that you can understand what im going through. Of course, I missed those times of going to practices on sundays and all. Having to explain why i did not turn up for mayflower practices.. sometimes i wonder "am I really from mfco?" I think it's not because of the attitude problem that the committee thinks. Of cuz, from a different background of orchestra experience, I hope to go for the best for the orchestra. The GOLD attitude that everyone should implant in their brains or rather hearts. Instead having the kind heart, the heart to keep the orchestra going, the comm thinks that im giving attitude. Somehow the perception of how a GOLD orchestra should be working became an ATTITUDE problem to them. Being one of the better ones in the orchestra wasn't really good. Yes, of course it's good that i belong to the one of the better ones. But, being one of the better ones actually marks to others that "im complacent." No matter how humble you are in the orchestra, there's sure ppl trying to make things worse. trying hard to bull-shit to the higher levels. I tried to put in the best effort i could to the orchestras that im going to commit into, just like EVCO. I know you would question back, "how much you have put in this year?" Im seriously apologetic for this. Im having my exams this year. I can't afford to put my time & effort like how the rest could do. My mum is giving me stress, whenever I go for a practice or two. The first rxn of her was... "you go for what?" And im really sure that if my studies doesn't go well, mummy would definitely ban me from co. Im not those kinda smart students that could study. Im sure that i do not have the self-discipline that they have implanted in them. I need people around to push me on. When people stop pushing me on, i slacked down. And that explains the horrendous results of mine. Of course, I know that i could do so much better, it's a matter of whether i want to or not. Though i had stopped attending practices, but my heart would not leave the world of orchestra. I only wanted to stop temporary and im sure that i will be back as soon as possible. I've come to an agreement with mummy, if i have achieved my targets in prelims. i would definitely go back to EVCO. That seems to be second home. My mentality grew up from there. Having to be what I am now, I must really thank the people in EVCO for their guidance and all. Thank you.
I always regard you as my best teacher, my best advisor. You know i listen to you the most. Having to see you to ignore me, getting pissed off me,it really doesn't make my day any better. Trying to be one of the best that you could have might be a long stretch to run, but i'm trying hard to achieve. I've decided to write this after reading echoes's blog. Heart-felt words of laoshi touched my heart.
Loves,
YanJun.
I don't know if they would read all of these. But, these are just heart-felt words of mine. =)
Wednesday, June 18
